Save your F*ck for Magical Sh*t

I’m going to takes some lines from Mark Manson’s signature –The Subtle art of not giving a f*ck. I really like the way he reminds us how to living a good and healthy life.

Here they are:

“We are responsible for experiences that aren’t our fault all the time. This is part of our life.

Here’s one way to think about the distinction between the two concepts:
Fault is past tense. Responsibility is present tense. Fault results from choices that have already been made.

Responsibility results from the choices you’re currently making, every second of every day.

There’s a difference between blaming someone else for your situation and that person’s actually being responsible for your situation. Nobody else is ever responsible for your situation but you. Many people may be to blame for your unhappiness but nobody is ever responsible for your unhappiness but you. This is because you always get to choose how you see things, how you react to things, how you value things. You always get to choose the metric by which to measure your experience.

When Mark told his story how he’s been hurt by his ex-girlfriend that at some point, after enough tears, his thinking began to shift and he began to understand that although she has done something horrible to him and she could be blame for that, it’s now his responsibility to make himself happy again. He realized that she would never going to pop up and make things clear for him. He told himself that he should be the one who had to fix things.  When he did that, a few things happened. First he began to improve himself, started exercising and spending more time with his friends (whom he had been neglecting). How he started deliberately meeting new people and did volunteer work. And it seems perfectly fine for him that he started to feel better. Yes, he still resented his ex for what happened, but at least now he was taking responsibility for his own emotion. And by doing so- he was choosing better values-values aims to taking care of himself, learning to feel better about himself rather that aimed at getting revenge to what she’d done to him.

A year later, something funny began to happen. As he looked back on his relationship, he started to notice problems that he never noticed before, problem that he was to blame for that he could have done something to solve. He realized that it was likely that he hadn’t been a great boyfriend and that people don’t just magically cheat on somebody they’ve been with unless they are unhappy for some reason.

It’s not likely he excused what his ex did – not at all. But recognizing his mistake helped him to realize that he perhaps hadn’t been the innocent victim he’d believe himself to be. That he had a role to play in enabling the shitty relationship to continue for as long as it did. After all, people who date each other tend to have similar value. He learned the hard way that if people in your relationship are selfish and doing hurtful things, it’s likely you are too, you just don’t realize it.”

LOOK!! HE TOOK RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS PROBLEM AND IMPROVED UPON THEM. HE TOOK RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS ROLE IN THAT UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP AND IMPROVED UPON IT WITH LATER RELATIONSHIPS.

We all love taking responsibility from success and happiness. Hell, we often fight over who gets to responsible for success and happiness. But taking responsibility for our problem is far more important, because that’s where the real learning comes from. That’s where the real-life learning improvement comes from. That’s where the real-life improvement comes from. To simply blame other is only to hurt yourself.

Honestly when I read those lines, I feel like I got punch on my face hundred times, like why do I have to feel this way, what I just done to my life, I should be the happy human being despite all those shitty thing that happened upon me. I rant too many times, cried countless times and blame others too much.

I used to feel lonely most of times, feeling extremely hurt by others. But look! You are young, wild and free, there’s anything you can do for your healthy mind and heart sake. Way to go!!

Jakarta, January 16^th 2019

Right before I go to sleep